August 25, 2004

A note to QandO readers
Posted by Dale Franks

First, it goes without saying that I love you all, dear readers, with a pure, untainted love. I want to (metaphorically) gather you all in my arms, cover you with my burning kisses, until the hot flames of your desire are fanned to heights of ecstacy.

What I do not want, however, is for you to return my (metaphorical) passion by adding me to your mass email list, in order to review your comments and positions on the issues of the day. I certainly don't mind you writing to me, and, to the extent possible, I'll try to write back, even if it's just a brief note of thanks for your comments. I appreciate emails from readers.

But, as soon as I see your link-filled email screed, directing my attention to the top 10 news stories of the day, and wondering why I'm not covering them, my first temptation upon seeing the TO: address listed as "Recipients Undisclosed" is to hit the delete button like a lab chimpanzee hitting the push bar that delivers crack cocaine pellets.

Because, what it tells me is that you aren't interested in writing me, you've just added me to your list of bloggers, et al. to whom you mass broadcast your stream of consciousness rantings on a regular basis. What's even worse, is that some of you seem to think I'm waiting to receive hourly updates on your thoughts.

If it's not even 11:00 am, and I've already received 5 mass emails from you, then you need to know that you've just become the newest entry to my "Add this sender to your Junk Senders list" roll call. That means that your emails are deleted as soon as they arrive in my inbox, and I never even see them.

As much as I might agree with you that we need to maintain the purity of our precious bodily fluids, that there really is a face on Mars and that Nasa's covering it up, or that the Freemasons are indeed threatening to end our way of life, I don't need to be reminded of it every 1.37 hours by emails from you. I suspect that the other 200 bloggers on your mailing list don't either.

If you have that much to say, then log on to TypePad or Blogger and start your own blog. But, once you've become part of the worldwide spam conspiracy, you go from being the (metaphorical) hot beach volleyball girl to being the creepy, fixated, Fatal Attraction chick.

And that's not showing me the love.



I'm no fan of spam-mails, either. Though, I seem to get fewer than you. What am I, chopped blog-liver?

I do like getting emails from readers, though, whether they agree with me, disagree with me, or just want to make a personal comment. I like that kind of feedback....especially if it's something nice. Blogging is, after all, a vanity project, and we're not making a dime on this.

So, yeah, I'm with you: feedback=good. Spam=bad.

Posted by: Jon Henke at August 25, 2004 01:27 PM

But my new business model is GUARANTEED to double your money! Plus, you too can buy v!@gr.a at discount prices.

Once you read it, it will be seared -- seared in your memory!

Posted by: Sharp as a Marble at August 25, 2004 01:46 PM

My name is Agimar Mjube. I am the Minister of Finance for the African Republic of the Congo (formerly Zaire). I am writing to ask your assistance in an important matter......

PS-Please, no more gay imagery.

Posted by: Rusty Shackleford at August 25, 2004 01:58 PM

What's this about the Freemasons?

Posted by: gnotalex at August 25, 2004 11:30 PM

So you're NOT interested in increasing your manhood?

Rates ARE at an all time low, after all.

Posted by: Christopher Cross at August 26, 2004 12:05 AM

Finally, Dale, someone besides me recognizes the importance of our precious bodily fluids. I shall place you on my hourly e-mail update list forthwith. No need to thank me !

Oh, and just so you know, some of my updates (usually 6 or 7 of them per day) contain large graphics of precious bodily fluids, so they may take some time to download.

I just know we're gonna be bestest friends from now on, don't you, Dale ?

Posted by: Joe at August 26, 2004 12:19 PM